Thursday, November 26, 2009

It's my Coffee

“Oh my god! Liza! How’ve you been?”

Eliza swore the way Mia said it, it wouldn’t have been impossible for her to dig a hole through her eardrums miles away. Entering the coffee shop where Eliza was working, Mia as usual, looked pretty and attractive in a casual floral knee-length dress, paired up with a simple mocha-wedged sandal.Even before, she always thought of Mia being one of the most beautiful women she knew. Her height of 5”8 has always made men notice her. Besides her fair complexion, the way her graceful, pale, wavy locks fall around her face to her back, those pink, pouty lips which always seem to invite every male specie to want to get more than just look and drool and her curves that always made me remember of a Coke bottle, and those crystal blue eyes that whenever she looks at them it made Eliza shiver, it has always been her heart that made her more beautiful and glowing than she already is. While they were in college Mia never forgot to attend mass every Sunday and participate in every charity work their church has. They feed the poor, provide medical missions into the rural areas around their place and sometimes they even hold concerts and fund-raising programs to get more help from those who are more fortunate.

“I’m fine! But looking at you I can tell how you have been. I missed you!” It’s been 6 years since the two have seen each other. After graduating from highschool, Mia’s family decided to move out of Cebu and live in Manila where her parents have inherited their late aunt’s mansion. Though Mia didn’t want to go her parents believed that it would be an advantage for her to study there since she also got accepted in Ateneo de Manila, one of the prestigious college in Manila, as a scholar.

Mia laughed. Hugging her friend, Eliza rolled her eyes. She was never used to all these hugging and mushy stuff especially when it’s in public remembering all the pain the openness have brought her. Pulling away from her friend’s grasp she made that cute squinty-eyed smile of hers that always makes her friend smile back.

“You still haven’t changed. Still a smart-ass huh?”

“Once a smart-ass, always a smart-ass. And besides, you got anything better for me to do?”

“Nope. Not that I can think of right now, but I’ll let you know after your done here.” Eliza just raised her eyebrow leaving Mia with no other choice but to pinch Eliza on the belly. Hard. “Ow! You know I hate that!”

“Of course I do. Think I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t?”


She scoffed. “It’s not my fault you have a hard time catching up.”

Mia laughed again. Oh how she loves her friend’s humor. It never fails to amuse her.

“Ha! You say that like 6 years is easy to catch up?”

Looking all smug, she said “You know what I’m talking about Maria Antoinette Villega.”

“Of course I know Elizabeth Andrea Deveraux. Now hurry up and get me two Choco-Mocha Lattes, it’s almost lunch break.”

Writing down the order she asked, “You take your lunch break before lunch break?” who would’ve thought that’s possible? Maybe she could work her way through that trick too, if Mia would only teach her how. Working in a coffee shop, in a city towered with tall buildings mostly of huge companies, the employees here nearly get a chance to rest. Even their 30 minute lunch break is not enough and sometimes when it gets too busy they just spend at least half of it to eat and rest.

“No. I don’t even work anywhere near here. I’m here for a real break,” emphasizing the word just as much as how Eliza does it when she’s asking a rhetorical question “I filed for a leave just 3 weeks ago for a vacation. God knows what will happen to me if I don’t get to relax this precious brain of mine.”

“Oh so that’s what reeks. Wait let me go ahead and get a mop before it spills out of your head, it’ll be a great deal of a waste. Speaking about the new tiles, my boss would never forgive me if they get dirty.”

Clearly losing and unable to punch out a good retort Mia decided she’d go for the physical and punched Eliza. Literally. “Hey! That’s the second in 10 minutes. How do you do that?”

“At least now we’re even.” Sticking her tongue out, Eliza wasn’t able to hold back her laughter. Mia looks utterly cute and ridiculous with that look. It feels like they were ten-year olds again. Laughing to themselves Eliza handed out her order, while Mia placed out a ten-dollar bill on the counter and excused herself to use the powder room for awhile.

Eliza was counting the change as she clumsily dropped a few coins on the floor. She was pretty sure there were five pieces that fell. She thought she just heard the chime on the door ring, but didn’t mind it since she was too occupied with the issue she is currently facing. How hard could it be to just pick up a few couple of spare coins that fell on the floor? Besides the fact that she only found three just near from where she’s standing, another around the corner out of the counter and one that rolled out far enough to make it to the door. Hurriedly she stumbled her way to get the coin just in time when she touched it it didn’t quite feel right.

Coins are supposed to feel metal.
Cold.

But this coin was different, it was kind of warm, soft, and it smelled good too. More like sexy and fresh. She’s never felt anything like it. Just when she was holding up the coin, it was when she realized that she was holding a hand--holding the coin!

She flushed.
Slowly raising her head up, unable to let go of what she was holding, she saw a man.

Whoa.

_____________________________________
"Whoa." Blinking several times before she saw him actually smiling at her. Amusement dancing in his eyes.

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment." He winked.

Oh my god! He actually winked at me! Me!
Who would've thought anyone would actually think of doing that?! Slowly taking into account my dishieveled appearance, probably coffee powder all over my shirt and apron, and God knows what. But still...

I felt hot.
Hotter than a newly brewed coffee.
Talk about being a virgin for life! I know I said that I'd be a virgin forever-- on second thoughts...

Honestly what were you thinking? Claiming that you will be a virgin forever?!
Hey, I was young! And, a Catholic!
Not to mention, "Not even Chris Brown can take it away from me." And now some dude you don't know who just happened to walk in and is super sexy just winked at you and now you're falling and bowing down at his feet.
I'm not bowing!
Close enough.
Well that's different.


I started to sweat as I took every inch of him, his physically fit body, with broad shoulders fitting perfectly into his obviously expensive and tailored suit, his wide chest down to his narrow waist. It just made me want to run to church like crazy screaming “Praise the Lord!” and light as many candles as possible until I almost burn myself from what I’m feeling. I bet he'll make Hannah Montana scream "Yeee-Haa!" while doing that little jug-jug, or whatever it is she does.

But nothing else made me felt more idiotic than what I was doing. I felt wet around my mouth. Was I drooling? I hope not. I fought the urge to wipe the corners of my mouth just to check. After gaping at him I finally go to my senses, jerking my hand away I flushed again. “I-I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to stare. I mean hold your- ugh, thanks.”

Holding the coin up in my hand, I started backing away just when he reached out for me again and pulled me towards him. “Wait,”

Looking from his face to my hand, and his face again. I started to breathe fast. Like some panting dog waiting to be fed or for a ball to roll up sometime for him to chase it. He didn't need to lay his eyes on anything to light my fire. As long as their on me, it's definitely burning. So hot, it can cause a forest fire and at the same time poke another hole in our Ozone.

“Ugh- Yeah?” I looked around me, and was relieved that nobody seemed to notice our quiet exhange.

Flashing me a grin, those kind that men use to show us women what it means to be a definite charmer, and I was a hundred percent sure he’s one of those men, he pointed behind me saying “I believe you serve coffees here in a cup, and I think it’s not the kind you’re wearing.”

I stared at him mixed with amusement and horror. Nobody has ever flirted with me in over ten-thousand years already and how dare he?!—God, I love you. I mean, if it was considered flirting… I haven’t flirted with anyone for a long time I almost forgot what “flirting” itself was. I was definitely taken aback with what he just said. Who wouldn’t? A drop-dead gorgeous man, his hand on you and that damned smile, I don’t even want to think! But I had to. And it took me at least 5 seconds to understand what he meant. I turned around in time and saw my friend Sheila, and co-employee was actually bringing a pot of Black Coffee with her when I started backing-up. That’s why he pulled me. Pft.

What made you think he pulled you because he was interested in you? Hello? His hand on yours twice in 2 minutes doesn’t mean anything Elizabeth! Where’s that smart-ass brain of yours?! Wake up!

“Will!”

Our hands dropped at that familiar voice and at the same time I turned around to where he was looking behind me. Oops, the fire just went out. It was Mia.

She approached us with her most charming smile her mouth gleamed shining white, it almost felt like she just brushed her teeth. Did she?

As she reached him I noticed his smile grew wider that his eyes sparkled green. It was beautiful, shining like emerald floating against a cloud of white. I erased those observations and started walking away. She hugged him, and he hugged her back. Ouch. Why do I feel this weird , tingly feeling seeing them like this?

I checked again the clock above the door behind him, and realized it just struck 11:30am. Finally. I walked away and put back the change in the cashbox. I could still feel the heat and electricity flow through my arm numb from where he touched. Ugh. I shook away the feeling and fixed the counter. As she was about to check out to give the shift to the other cashier-in-charge Mia walked to her “Liza! I almost forgot I wanted you to meet a colleague.”

Seeing them walk up to where I was standing I wanted to run and hide under the coffee machine or something, even that couldn’t help. “Hey.” I smiled.

Gesturing towards him she began the introductions “Will, this is my long time highschool buddy Elizabeth Deveraux. And Liza, this is a colleague of mine from Ateneo, William Ethans.”

They shook hands as they exchanged greetings. He smiled that mind-bubbling grin again “It’s a pleasure meeting you.”

Shoot! The guy’s British! What could get worse? “It’s nice to meet you too.” She can’t help but smile back at the thought, hiding the shaky feeling she began to feel. What else could get worse? Besides a sexy British in a suit in front of you might as well rain tons and tons of Hersheys Kisses. Ooh, I’d gradually accept if it was British kisses just in case. I bet it’s just as good as the chocolates. Hey! What was I thinking?!

This is crazy.
He’s smoking.
Cut it out.
Oh, stop whining and get a life!
Well, maybe I would if I wasn’t stuck here in front of …a crush? Okay Let me just call him that for awhile while I think of a more appropriate term to label him of what he is to me. Okay that’s too far now Elizabeth Andrea, you don’t even know the man yet!

Act your age please for once in your life.
Yeah right, and ruin my job and my studies?
2012 is only 3 years away you know.

“Okay that’s it!” Furious I bursted out like a cork popping out of a fresh bottle of wine. This time was more of a bottle of whine.

“Liza, honey are you okey?”
“Huh? Ah, yeah definitely. It’s all this coffee. Hehehe…”
“Okey, well we’ll just sit by here okey? And go take your lunch, I understand it’s already ten minutes past your break. I’ll wait till you finish here.”




(unsure)
*--Mia may be physically attractive and kind towards others but she never had half of Eliza’s smart mouth and fast retorts. Eliza’s father was a drunkard, and he always got them into trouble. In order to get her father and sister out of the danger of these people she always needed to think fast and move fast. Once they were chased around by huge men in suits while walking a neighbor’s dog in the park when she was fifteen. When she was seventeen she’s conned her way through a private party--on a yacht!-- just to get away from them. It hurts her deep inside remembering the past and all the wasted opportunities she had to sacrifice just to save and protect her sister. At that time she thought she was protecting them as a family, but she soon realized how little she felt of being Andrew’s daughter and instead claimed him as her uncle from a distant relative and was adopted after the loss of their true parents. She was already happy enough having Leaghn at hear side and considered her her only family left after the death of their mother due to influenza 7 months after giving birth to her baby sister.

4 comments:

  1. "paired up with a simple mocha-wedged sandal" - her sandal was wedged with mocha? ice cream? that's not how you use a dash. and don't you mean "a pair of sandals?"

    While they were in college Mia never forgot to attend mass every Sunday and participate in every charity work their church has("has" should be "had" here. "were" indicates it had happened before while "has" would tell you that it is present and since the past is more consistent here("forgot", "were") the contradiction of has ruins the tense of the sentence.

    she also got accepted in Ateneo de Manila, one of the prestigious college in Manila - when you say "one of the prestigious college" it means it's "(one) of (one)" which would mean it would be the ONLY prestigious college there, which would defeat the purpose of stating that it is "one of", when it is the only one of it's kind. when you say "one of", it is always succeeded by a number greater than one, e.g. "many", "two".
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    “Ow! You know I hate that!”

    “Of course I do. Think I wouldn't(should be would bec. right now it just means "Think I would do that if I did?" which she, obviously, did.) do that if I didn’t?”

    Clearly losing and unable to punch out a good retort Mia decided she’d go for the physical and punched Eliza. Literally. - when you say literally, it should be when something is not supposed to be taken literally. you said she'd "go for the physical and punched Eliza.". That whole sentence is literal to the letter. you use it like this: "As Luke punched Harry in the face, Harry bit the dust, literally." It's that way because "bit the dust" usually means to fail, or to quit, but to add flavor to my text(and to prevent misinterpretation) I added ", literally" because I want them to know that he literally bit the dust(because the punch was so hard he fell to the ground, thus biting the dust). Since there is no figurative way to picture "punched Eliza" and it is also made clear that she literally punched her because of "go for the physical", literally is not needed. It would be too much of a repetition.
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    "Speaking about the new tiles, my boss would never forgive me if they get dirty." - this sentence does not work at all. there was no mention of tiles until this sentence.
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  2. She thought she just heard the chime on the door ring, but didn’t mind it since she was too occupied with the issue she is currently facing. - she WAS currently facing.

    Besides the fact that she only found three just near from where she’s standing, another around the corner out of the counter and one that rolled out far enough to make it to the door - Quick reminder, when using "besides the fact", remember that there has to be a point "beside the fact", like in this format: besides the fact that (fact 1), she also had (fact 2).
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    Talk about being a virgin for life! I know I said that I'd be a virgin forever-- on second thoughts... - "but on second thought" without the double dash wouldve been better. just a thought.
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    Looking from his face to my hand, and his face again. I started to breathe fast. - should be joined by a comma and not separated by a period. don't know if that was a typo or not but whatevs.
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    He didn't need to lay his eyes on anything to light my fire. As long as their(should be they're) on me, it's definitely burning. - also, both these sentences contradict each other("He didn't need to lay his eyes on anything" says the first, then the second says "As long as they're on me" claims that they were on her, which would mean he was laying his eyes on something which led to her "fire burning").
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    Flashing me a grin, those(should be "the" because kind is singular) kind that men use to show us women what it means to be a definite charmer, ((should be in parentheses, OR a double dash wouldve worked as well))and I was a hundred percent sure he’s one of those men), he pointed behind me saying “I believe you serve coffees here in a cup, and I think it’s not the kind you’re wearing.” - and about the last sentence, I don't get what your implying. was she wearing coffee? a cup? coffee in a cup? how can you wear either one? whatevs
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    Nobody has ever flirted with me in over ten-thousand years already and how dare he?!—(a period would work better here as dashes connect independent clauses with thoughts and because, the sentence before the next one is a thought, it is probably not needed.) God, I love you. I mean, if it was considered flirting… I haven’t flirted with anyone for a long time(insert comma or "that" here) I almost forgot what “flirting” itself was. I was definitely taken aback with what he just said. Who wouldn’t? A drop-dead gorgeous man, his hand on you and that damned smile,(should be a period, not a comma) I don’t even want to think! But I had to. And it took me at least 5 seconds to understand what he meant.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I turned around in time and saw my friend Sheila, and co-employee was actually bringing a pot of Black Coffee with her when I started backing-up. - should be "saw my friend and co-employee, Sheila, was..." the original would make the reader think that there were to people, Sheila AND a co-employee.
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    She approached us with her most charming smile(insert period) her mouth gleamed shining white, it almost felt like she just brushed her teeth. Did she?
    -------------------------------------
    I shook away the feeling and fixed the counter. As she was about to check out to give the shift to the other cashier-in-charge Mia walked to her “Liza! I almost forgot I wanted you to meet a colleague.” - The POV(point of view) of the story suddenly shifts mid-paragraph. At first Eliza was talking about herself in 1st person(I was...) and suddenly it's 3rd person(As she...). Try to keep it consistent as to not confuse the reader.
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    Shoot! The guy’s British! What could get worse? - the last sentence sounds out of place. "get" should be "be". When you say what could get worse, it sounds like youre wondering "what else coud get worse", when I'm pretty confident that youre referring to the situation at hand, which would be properly expressed with "what could be worse than that? OR could things get any worse than this".
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    What else could get worse?(try not to repeat similar sentences)(from hereon, the train of thought you were going for crashes, burns, repairs itself, and goes the other way. It started out as "get worse", yet the following sentence implies that things seem to have went in the opposite direction)Besides a sexy British in a suit in front of you might as well rain tons and tons of Hersheys Kisses.(so you're saying hersheys kisses will fall beneath him, falling to the floor? like how a cloud rains tons and tons of water?)
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    Ooh, I’d gradually accept if it was(should be "were", "kisses" is plural) British kisses just in case. I bet it’s(should be "they're", "chocolates" is plural) just as good as the chocolates.
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    Okay Let me just call him that for awhile (awhile literally means "for a moment of time", so you're actually writing "him that for for a moment of time")while I think of a more appropriate term to label him of what he is to me
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    Also, check your punctuation and your grammar. Improve on it. Good luck. Don't see this a push down, but rather a nudge in the right direction. (",)

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  4. Thank you blognazi! :)

    I know that my story isn't worth posting yet. There are still a lot of errors and corrections with the grammar, punctuation and proper stating of the lines and stuff...but I decided to just post it hoping people could check it out and help me. And thank you very much...I assure you the things you mentioned will be looked over. :) maybe when I have time. I've been busy with my classes..so yeah. :)

    hehe Thank You again!

    ReplyDelete

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